Sorry
by Richieu
Summary: And I say "Baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely. And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me." And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too.


AN: Hellllllllllo there everyone. So, this is my first fic I've posted on this site, and I'm hoping it gets more activity on here than it got on deviantART. -crosses fingers- PLEASE REVIEW!3

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN OURAN. -keeps wishing on star-

* * *

It's raining.

I sit on the window seat, watching uninterestedly as the raindrops race each other down the pane. I watch as one streak splits into two, both rolling down at the same speed. One of the raindrops merges with a different one, and heads off in the opposite direction. I glance back at the lone raindrop, which has stopped in its tracks.

I feel bad for it.

"Ugh! This damn thing!"

I'm snapped out of my bored trance as another agitated huff echoes across the room. I look up to see exactly what I expected—Hikaru, his nose scrunched and eyebrows furrowed as he tries (and fails) to tie his tie.

Honestly.

I stand up, bones in my back cracking horribly from being curled in a ball for the last ten minutes, and head over to help my hopeless counterpart.

"Hikaru, really, you'd think that after years of wearing a tie to school every day, you would know how to do this correctly." I say, slapping his fumbling hands away to tie the piece of material myself.

"But why learn, Kaoru, when I have you here to do it for me?" He winks as I finish, and I purposely make the knot a little tighter than what would be comfortable.

I lean against the bureau in front of him as he readjusts the tie in the mirror.

"So, where did you say you were taking her again?"

"Just somewhere small. I saw that it was supposed to storm tonight so I figured I could keep her company."

_But of course, you didn't think about me, being all alone in the mansion during a storm, did you?_

"How kind of you."

He must hear some of the malice laced in my words because he turns from the mirror to study my face, and I know he's trying to figure out what's going through my head. And he's succeeding.

"Kaoru. We talked about this. You're the one who—"

"Yes! I know!" I calm myself a little, feeling bad for yelling at him. "I know."

He gives me another look before turning back to his reflection, looking a little unsure of himself. I scoff.

"You look fine, Hikaru. Better than fine."

His golden orbs are back on mine again. Back where they belong. He's smiling, and laughing.

"You're right; I do look pretty good, don't I?" He jokes, winking, and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. He looks straight into my eyes, like he's examining my soul. He probably is. "You gonna be okay all by yourself, little brother?"

I roll my eyes and push away from the bureau, away from him, before I crack.

"Of course. You go have fun with Haruhi. Show her a good time."

"Thanks, Kao."

He throws me another brilliant smile and then, he's gone.

* * *

It's storming now.

I'm back at my seat at the window, staring aimlessly as the rain batters against the panes this time, rather than a soft patter. There's nothing to distract me this time, and I'm left to fall helplessly into my own thoughts. A familiar coldness settles into my bones. The cold that always comes when he's gone. A flash of lightening illuminates the sky and our bedroom as a low rumble of thunder comes along with it.

I'm sure Haruhi's warm.

I look down, and see that my cell phone is still clutched tightly in my right hand. I've been dying to call him for what seems like days. Why shouldn't I? It is getting late and he's been with her for hours. I gather my courage and flip the device open, press 1 on the speedial, and it's ringing.

_Please pick up._

"Kaoru?"

His voice is practically a blanket. Suddenly, I'm warm again.

"Hey."

"What's up? Is something wrong?"

I suddenly feel very stupid for calling. I can tell I've interrupted something by the tightness in his voice. I can tell he wants me to buzz off, but I'm far too selfish to hang up.

"I…I was just wondering when you were coming home. I know you're with Haruhi to keep her company but being alone in an empty mansion isn't too wonderful for me either."

I can practically feel his thoughts torn between me and Haruhi—the way it's always been and always will be.

"I can come home now if you'd like. We just finished dinner."

I don't even argue.

" 'kay. I'll see you soon then."

"Bye."

I hop up from the window seat and start making my way down to the kitchens. Knowing Hikaru, he probably ate very little at whatever restaraunt he took her to because he didn't want to overwhelm Haruhi with the size of the bill. And a hungry Hikaru means a grumpy Hikaru. With the chef gone on holiday, the best I can make for my brother is a frozen pizza, but at least it's something.

About half of the way through my pondering if there was supposed to be icicles all over the pizza, I hear the door open and close, and soon after, footsteps making their way up to our bedroom. I smile dreamily. _He's probably exhausted; he had to be a gentleman for four whole hours!_ I chuckle to myself, shove the pizza in the oven, and head upstairs to check on my twin. The door to our room is closed, so he's probably already made himself comfortable right in the middle of our bed. I smile to myself at the thought of Hikaru slumbering peacefully behind the door and how comfortable it would be to snuggle up with him.

"Hika, I'm making you a pizza. I knew you'd be hungry when you got home so I figured I'd-"

I stop mid-sentence as I open the door. As I expected, Hikaru is on our bed, and he looks quite comfortable too…

making out with Haruhi.

For a few seconds they don't notice me, and it takes all I have not to run up to my twin and push him off her. To punch him, kick him, kiss him, love him. Make him love me, not that mediocre girl so willing to take him away from me forever. I can feel the marks my fingernails are making in my palm, and I'm almost sure I'll have scars.

"Kaoru!"

I hear his voice echo through the empty mansion as I take off down the hall. I'm running, trying to get as far away as possible from my waking nightmare. From Hikaru, who would comfort me, and make everything worse. Hikaru, who would tell me everything was alright, when it could never be alright again.

For all these years, I'd been kidding myself- thinking that those soft touches, whispers and sideways glances actually meant something. It was all for show- it always had been. Whether it was in the club or just to make everyone else feel uncomfortable, it was all a big game. At least, it was for Hikaru. For years, I've been wishing that those lips were whispering sweet nothings into my ears that weren't from a script, that those touches would linger just a little longer after a couple of the fangirls passed out, that he would lean in just a centimeter closer and seal the deal, right in front of everyone to see. Especially Haruhi.

I'm safe for a few moments, hidden against a notch in the wall. I let a few tears fall. But of course, my twin knows all my favorite hiding spots.

"Kaoru! Kaoru, I'm sorry. I felt bad, leaving her alone during a storm, so I brought her here. I didn't think you'd mind."

"You didn't feel bad leaving me here." I whisper through the darkness, my voice laced with so much hurt and anger I'm surprised it doesn't sizzle in the air.

"Is that what this is about, Kaoru? All you had to do was tell me, I would've changed our plans and have her come over here instead—"

"NO HIKARU! That's not what this is about!" I yell at him, stepping out of the shadows to look him in the face. "This is about the fact that I was looking forward to you coming home because I missed so much I could barely breathe and when I went to go welcome you home I find you practically sucking that little whore's face off!" My hands are curled into tight fists again, and I'm shaking, resisting the urge to cry or hit him, I'm not really sure anymore.

He's just staring at me, mouth slightly hanging open. I wish he'd say something to stop my ranting, but he doesn't, so I can't help but go on.

"I don't understand, Hikaru. All this time, you've done nothing but tell me that you have no interest in Haruhi. All this time, you've been pretending- making me believe that it was me who mattered. You've played your part too well, Hikaru."

He blinks at me.

"I don't understand, Kaoru."

_Then I'll make you, brother._

I don't know where I get the courage to do it, but suddenly, my lips are moving against his and all I can think is that it's perfect. We fit together like puzzle pieces, one made only for the other to fit, and I try to forget the fact that only minutes ago, Haruhi was trying to fit herself in the place that only I can fill.

Too soon, Hikaru regained whatever consciousness had left him for those few, wonderful seconds and I find myself back against the hallway wall once again. I'm not surprised. I've been expecting rejection all along. What I didn't expect was how much it hurt.

"What the hell are you doing?"

It seems he's remembered how to speak again. I try to manage the same.

"I-I thought….maybe, if I showed you…..you'd feel it too."

He just looks at me, and what bothers me more than his silence is the fact that I can't read his expression at all. For what feels like hours, he just looks at me, like he's searching for something in my eyes. I can't tell if he finds it or not because now he's stepped in front of me, his hand coming up to cup my cheek, and I can't focus on anything else. His expression is still unreadable and his eyes are still searching as he mutters something so softly, if I hadn't been training my ears to hear anything uttered by his voice, I would have completely missed it.

"Kaoru….. I'm sorry."

And suddenly he's gone, taking off down the hallway. Running. Running to get away from _me_.

As I sink down to the floor, I figure I must be dying of a broken heart, because the world is spinning and my vision is getting blurry.

Vaguely, I think of the image of Hikaru running, and wonder if that's what I looked like just minutes ago.

And then the darkness takes me.

* * *

When I wake, it's still dark and I'm in my bed, not the floor of the carpeted hallway of the mansion. I wonder if it was all just a nightmare, and in a minute, Hikaru will wrap his arms around me and make some kind of half-asleep joke about how I'm such a little boy. A quick glance to my left kills that theory. No Hikaru.

I shiver, suddenly feeling very cold.

I curl up in a ball, trying to fight off the inevitable loneliness. He's probably at Haruhi's. I think. He felt bad for leaving me in the hall and brought me back to our—I correct myself- my room before packing his things and leaving. That sounds like him.

Somewhere, the house creaks. Funny, how I never noticed these little things when I had my twin with me. Like how the wind whipped against the panes of the windows or how the lightening cast terrible shadows on the walls. I'm so absorbed in my thoughts that I visibly jump when the door to the bedroom opens.

"H-Hikaru!"

My twin stands there, holding two cups of what looks like hot cocoa, bathed under the moonlight. I slap myself mentally for thinking he's beautiful at a time like this.

"What…what are you doing here? Where's Haruhi? Why aren't you—"

"Shh, shh, Kaoru. It's all okay." He speaks like he's soothing a child who's just woken from a terrible nightmare. He sets down the cups on the nightstand and sits on the edge of the bed uneasily, like he's not sure if it's okay to sit by me just yet. I don't blame him. "Haruhi's at home. It's just us, Kaoru."

I blink at him like he's speaking another language. He might as well be, because what he's saying doesn't make any sense.

"What do you mean, Haruhi's at home?"

"I left her, Kaoru. For you."

"…left her, like—"

"I broke up with her."

This must be a dream, there's no way this can be reality. I consider pinching myself. He scoots closer to me, and looks me in the eyes.

"Kaoru. I'm sorry I ran away from you, but it was just all so sudden, and I didn't know how else to react. I'm sorry. When I finally got my thoughts together and went back, you were unconscious on the floor. So I carried you back to our room. But when I laid you on the bed, you grabbed my hand and wouldn't let go. When I looked back at you, sleeping there so innocently, I knew."

The words are too perfect, it must be a script. Funny, I don't remember rehearsing it.

"I knew, Kaoru, what you meant back there. I do feel it. I understand now. All this time, you've been in love with me. It took some time for me to realize, but I was in love with you too. I always have been. I…I love you, Kaoru. I really do."

I'm pretty sure my heart is going to fail if it beats any faster, and my vision is swimming again, this time with tears. He sees this and scoots closer, pressing his hand against my cheek. His thumb brushes away a tear as it falls.

"Kaoru, please say something." He chuckles in a sort of nervous annoyance.

"H-Hikaru," I start, looking into his perfect golden eyes and surprising myself in remembering how to form words. "This isn't just another act, is it? Not another game where, in a couple seconds, you'll start laughing at how funny my face looked or something?"

Hikaru stares at me incredulously for a minute, then a familiar smirk appear on his lips.

"How about I prove it to you, Kaoru?"

Before I can answer, his lips are on mine and the world slips away. For the second time in one night, I'm in heaven only this time is better because _he's_ kissing _me_ and it's not desperate or rushed or out of burning jealously. It's soft and gentle and completely perfect, the way I always dreamed it would be.

He pulls away just enough to look into my eyes. I can hear the rain begin again outside, soft against the window panes. He presses our forehead together and smiles so brightly it practically lights up the dark room. I smile back just as brilliantly.

"I love you, Kaoru."

And this time, I believe him.

* * *

AN: Thanks for reading, guys! :D I should tell you now that its over, this fic is based on the song "Sorry" by Maria Mena. I slipped alot of hints of the song into this fic, so if you enjoyed this, go listen to the song, kay? REVIEW AND THE TWINS WILL FANSERVICE FOR YOUUUUU!~ ;D


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